Guilty?
by HR always live on
Summary: Set at the beginning of series ten. Ruth thinks about the inquiry and what the result could mean, both for Harry's career and their relationship. AU one (two) shot. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**A one shot when planned, now a two shot. I hope Ruth's private thoughts are in character. I rather thought that in series ten she'd become disillusioned with life at MI5.**

* * *

Ruth heard her stomach growl loudly and hoped with all her heart that the other people sitting nearby, watching while Harry's career was torn to shreds couldn't hear it. She had barely eaten breakfast, too nervous about the result of the inquiry, which was going to be decided today. She had assumed it would take an hour or two, after all it had been going on a week already. Not all day. She looked at her watch and saw it was four thirty. It would be coming to an end soon, one way or the other. The panel wanted to get home to their wives and families, and would not want to drag this out into a second week.

Harry sat maybe five feet away from her but it was like he was on another planet. Not once today had he turned to look at her, even though he knew she was there. She wondered if it was for the benefit of the panel, to try and convince them that there was no personal relationship between them, or if he simply didn't want to look at the woman who had brought this about. Made his entire career come under question. Neither option made her feel better.

Every day of this informal trial she'd been here. Watching as every decision he'd made as section head for the last fifteen years came under question. She'd been in the room for an awful lot of those decisions, and knew (even if these diplomats didn't) that he had made impossible, and usually correct decisions. He was the best section head MI5 could have asked for, and he was being punished for one poor judgement call. As Adam had said years ago: _If we got rid of every politician who messed up there wouldn't be any left_. It seemed very true, and exceedingly unfair that Harry was being punished. She knew it wasn't just for the Albany affair. She wasn't naïve enough to believe that, even if that was what he was being accused of. His real crime was that he had lived too long and knew too much. He knew every dirty secret the British government had. They didn't want him to get any more information, and they wanted him out. It was that simple.

Is this what a lifetime dedicated to your country, sacrificing everything you had, believing that you were protecting the British people gave you in the end? Was it worth it? _No_, came the small, honest voice in the back of her head. It wasn't. Over the past few weeks she had realised how little she was valued at work. Harry valued her, she knew that as surely as she knew her own name, but not anyone else. She just… existed. Had been at Thames House so long that now she was almost seen as a permanent fixture. Her standard of work was still good (excellent were she being honest), but her heart wasn't in it. Without Harry in Thames House it had become glaringly obvious that her reasons for doing the job, for coming back when her life in Cyprus had fallen apart, had nothing to do with MI5 or the country. And an awful lot to do with Harry Pearce.

She sighed heavily, loud enough to catch Harry's attention. She could tell by the way his shoulders stiffened. She was becoming old and jaded, she thought with distaste. The wrong side of forty with little to show for her life except her MI5 career which she was quickly losing patience with. She was drawn back to the present out of her thoughts by an expectant hush which suddenly drew over the room. She listened eagerly..

"Mr Pearce, this tribunal has looked at all the evidence and come to a decision." Ruth bit her lip, hoping for the best. "Due to your previous experience and diligence in serving the country, we feel it would be unfair to remove you from your post. There was no damage resulting from the loss of Albany. It was fake technology, and your report on Miss Evershed's value to the security services certainly made for interesting reading." Ruth's head snapped up at that. She very badly wanted to read that report, but knew without even asking that Harry would never let her see it.

"It has been decided that if you are willing, you will be reinstated as head of section D, with Erin Watts as your section chief on Monday morning."

Ruth could see Harry relax, the stiffness in his body suddenly gone and she knew he was smiling. Slapped wrist it was then. The panel were dismissed and people were milling about, ready to go home within about a minute. For the first time he looked at Ruth, relief in his eyes, a smile at the corner of his lips. He'd been really worried she saw. "Ruth…"

"No," she said, her eyes flitting around the room. "Not here. I'm going home."

"Not back to the grid?" he asked surprised.

"No," she said her heart dropping. "I've spent enough time there recently."

"Ruth?" he asked quickly. She was saved from replying by Harry's phone ringing, no doubt someone congratulating him on his return from the brink of professional death. Ruth quickly left the building, hurrying into a waiting taxi. She gave her address and then closed her eyes in disappointment. It was only now the verdict had been given, that she realised what she'd been hoping for. She'd been hoping he'd be out of a job by the end of the day. She had hoped he'd be found guilty of negligence. Because if they didn't have his job or career to hide behind, and she wasn't too bothered about her own, their relationship might move forward. Without the lies and the secrecy getting in the way. God, what sort of a friend was she? Hoping he'd be kicked out after a lifetime of service. And he couldn't wait to get back to his office and reclaim his territory either. He'd probably be there all night, claiming what was his and finding out what everyone had been up to in his absence.

The car stopped outside her flat and Ruth wiped her face, feeling unexpected tears down her cheeks. "Are you all right love?" the cab driver asked kindly.

"Yes," she lied. She handed over the fare and then went home. Once inside she locked the door and got a bottle of already opened white wine from the fridge. And a massive bar of galaxy chocolate. She needed some comfort.

* * *

Maybe forty minutes later the buzzer for her flat rang. She pressed the button and wasn't all the surprised to hear Harry's voice. "It's me," he said quietly. "Let me up." For half a moment she considered not letting him in. But then the thought vanished because she knew she would never do that. "Come in," she said. Waiting about a minute she heard footsteps outside her door and opened it. Harry came in and took in the empty bottle of wine before he said anything.

"Forgive me for noticing, but you don't seem to thrilled that I've been cleared," he said, an icy edge to his voice.

"No," she agreed, the alcohol making her speak more honestly than she would normally. She sat down and nursed her glass, as Harry remained standing.

"Ruth, did you want me put in prison?" he asked. "Is that really what you wanted?"

"You weren't going to end up in prison Harry," she said certainly. "You know too much and could keep the government to ransom if you wanted to. I wanted you out of MI5."

"Why?" he asked, appalled at her lack of care about him. He might have expected this from anyone else, but never her. Which is why it cut him to the core to hear her apparent desire to get rid of him. It hurt. More than he'd admit.

"Because I've had enough," she said simply. She looked in his eyes. "I can't do it anymore. I can't dance around you at work. I don't want to hide behind urgent operations that could kill thousands of people. I just want you to tell me how you feel." Instead of looking at her, his eyes went to the wine bottle, to see how much she'd had to drink. It was empty. So she might be saying things she didn't mean. Or things she did mean, but would never normally say. "I'm not drunk," she said firmly. "It was half empty when I started."

He sighed and sat down next to her. Far away enough so there was no chance of touching, but still his proximity made her skin prickle with awareness. "What's brought this on?" he asked quietly.

"I've had a lot of time to think," she said. "This entire week I've been sitting in that room. And I wanted to be there for you, but listening to them rehash your career hasn't been exactly riveting. Especially when I already know most of it. So I've been free to think. I don't want to work for MI5 any more."

"You're leaving?" he asked surprised.

"No," she said. "I'm only there…" even with alcohol this was hard to say. "I'm only there because you are. When you weren't there for two months I had very little cause to love my work. I'm not on the grid for the good of the country, Harry. Not for the greater good and not to flaunt my talents. I'm there because of you."

He looked at her intensely and she blushed a vivid red. "I thought… maybe hoped that if you were sacked, we could move on from the to-ing and fro-ing. We could… maybe have more. I don't want to be your subordinate, I want to be your equal. We'll never be that at work. So yes, I hoped you'd be found guilty. I'm sorry." And she was sorry. To want him to be out of a job felt disloyal, but it was how she felt, and she couldn't change that.

Harry was speechless. Never had either of them been forthright with their feelings. What she'd just said was the clearest they had ever been in regards to each other. "Ruth…" he started, no idea what he was going to say after that.

"Harry, you don't give away state secrets for someone you don't have feelings for," she said quietly, ignoring the shiver that went over her when he said her name in that low tone. "At least, I hope you don't." She looked at him, her blue eyes almost daring him to lie.

"Nothing, no agent I have ever known would have made me give up a state secret, functioning or not. Except you. Of course it was because of my feelings for you, it wasn't because you're a brilliant analyst. Although you are," he added. "I couldn't lose you. If Lucas had killed you… I wouldn't have gotten past it, Ruth. I couldn't. Maybe it was selfish, to save you for that reason. I couldn't see you die when I could easily stop it. Even if it had meant prison time."

"Oh Harry," she said, shaking her head slightly. "I don't know what to do." He reached into his jacket pocket and handed her an envelope. She looked curiously. "It's my letter of resignation. I needed to see out the inquiry, it was only fair. That, and I wanted my pension. I deserve it after all. But I don't need the job. I do need you to stand by me. Which is why I haven't given it to the DG. I wanted to talk to you first. But it seems you've made your feelings known."

"All I want… Well, it's what I don't want," she said. "I don't want either of us to leave Thames House in a coffin. And I can see it happening. All agents die or are exiled. I should know," she added bitterly. "I've been in section D longer than anyone else, except you. I feel like we're pushing our luck. I don't want to get this close… to each other I mean, and then have one of us die. Have it snatched away from us. I don't want that."

"Neither do I," he said. "I think we've both given fair service to our country. I'm not telling you to leave Ruth, but after what you said earlier…"

"Yes," she agreed quietly. "I won't stay if you're not there."

He leaned close and gently planted a kiss on her cheek, his fingers stroking her hair lightly. "I love you Ruth," he whispered into her ear. She didn't respond straight away, because he hadn't moved his face. Instead feather light kisses were going across her jaw, warm and soft. With the confidence that showed he knew his feelings were returned without her having to say a word. She pulled away reluctantly and looked in his beautiful hazel eyes. She had always loved those eyes. And she loved him. So she gripped his hand tightly, smiled and spoke.

"I love you."

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**Part two has no plot at all, just a decent into smut! Hope you liked this short story.**


	2. Chapter 2

**M rated, here's your warning. Enjoy.**

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He pushed her flat on the sofa, looming above her as he kissed her again. They had years of kisses to make up for after all. He kept his weight off of her, but he still felt reassuringly solid, pressed against her. She'd touched him maybe half a dozen times in eight years, and now he was lying on top of her, lips on hers, clothes the only barrier between their nakedness. And Ruth felt shocked at how easy and right this felt. Shouldn't it have felt awkward after so long?

He drew back and looked at her. "You're thinking loudly," he said. "Is this… too much?" he asked, pulling back from her a touch.

"No," she said, her hands wrapping around him, keeping him close. "No, I was thinking… how right this felt." He smiled, truly happy at that as Ruth reached up and ran her fingers over his face, the evening stubble causing friction against her fingertips. She smiled for a moment before he kissed her again, tongue delving into her mouth and making her moan. When the need for oxygen became apparent he pulled back and looked at her. With his index finger he traced the curve of her jaw and then lower. Down her neck, pausing to feel her pulse (racing he noticed), then lower, following the V of her shirt. His finger stopped at the button and he bit his lip. "Can I?" he asked quietly.

"Take your jacket off, then yes," she said, eyes bright. "It's only fair." He grinned and quickly threw his jacket off. She let her hands run over him, feeling the warmth of his skin through his shirt. Just being this close to him was intoxicating. She knew it wasn't the alcohol in her system, it was him. He dipped his head and kissed her skin just above the button on her blouse. Then undid it, and kissed the skin beneath it. In this way he slowly peeled the shirt apart.

Ruth felt a stab of regret that the bra she was wearing was a plain boring white one. She hadn't anticipated this. Harry didn't seem to mind though, his fingers kept feathering over her body gently. She shifted slightly.

"What's wrong?"

"We're on my sofa," she said. "I have a much more comfortable bed. More space. Less risk of us falling onto the floor." Her lip twitched nervously. He smiled at her eagerly, but then seemed to come to his senses.

"Only if you're sure," he said. She wasn't stupid, she knew he wanted her, and the thought thrilled her. She wasn't used to being wanted like this. He got off of her and stood up. She followed suit and his eyes were drawn to the strip of bare skin shown by her open blouse. He couldn't bring himself to look away. Not until she turned and lead the way to her bedroom. His lips were holding back a smile as she dropped the blouse to the floor. Harry reached for her and held her close to his body as he kissed her deeply. Still lip locked he pushed her onto the bed, looming over her yet again. She heard two thumps as he kicked his shoes off and his hands went to her waist, holding her gently.

She reached for his tie and quickly pulled it off. "Did you have to wear a freshly starched shirt to the hearing today?" she asked with frustration as she struggled with the stiff top button. He laughed and helped her with the button, their fingers sliding across each other. "That's better," she said, planting a kiss in the hollow of his throat. "Much better."

Harry smiled at her, the look of desire on her face made his heart skip a beat. He quickly pulled his shirt off and Ruth's eyes slipped from his face to his body, his scarred, battered and bruised body. And yet the look on her face told him that she found him attractive. Her fingers slowly moved over his chest, tracing his scars lightly, making him shiver.

"Lie down," she said quietly. He did and she straddled him before he could say a word. Her skirt was still on, but he could feel her warm thighs around him and he wanted her badly. She leaned over him and kissed his chest, light kisses and he almost couldn't breathe. He stroked her hair as she did so. He loved her so much. He reached behind her and undid her bra. She slipped her arms out of it and he cupped her full breasts, thumbs brushing over her nipples as she gasped. He leaned forward and caught her nipple in his mouth, sucking gently.

"Oh!" she gasped, her breathing heavy. She pulled his head closer, loving having his mouth on her. He didn't need to see her to know her eyes would be closed. "Oh I can't take this any more," she said quickly. Harry pulled back with disappointment. "No, I meant…" her hands went to his belt. "There's too many clothes still on," she said. "That's what I meant." He smiled at her, almost unable to believe this was actually happening. They quickly stripped off, clumsy in their haste until they were both naked.

Laying side by side he kissed her deeply, his hand sliding down her body. He pushed his fingers between her legs and she gasped, eyes fluttering closed. She was already wet for him. He wanted to taste her but knew they were both too impatient. There would be time for that later. He nudged her legs apart and pushed into her quickly as she moaned with satisfaction.

They were both still for a minute, watching each other as they marvelled at the fact it had taken so many years to get here. Ruth wrapped her legs around him, puling him close. "God you feel so good," she whispered. She kissed him as he moved slowly inside her.

"I might not be able to draw this out," he admitted.

"I don't care," she said in a gasp. "Just… oh yes!" she cried out as he thrust inside her hard. Suddenly the gentle making love turned into rough and impatient sex. They both wanted to be as close as possible to the other, resulting in scratched backs and bruised flesh. But at the moment, they simply didn't care. They just needed to be as close and touch as much as possible. He pushed into her again and again, making her squeal with pleasure.

Harry felt his climax fast approaching and knew Ruth was close too. He pinched her nipple, his other hand brushing her clitoris lightly. It was enough to make her moan, her muscles contracting as she orgasmed. Harry pushed into her twice more before his own climax washed over him.

He kissed her once more, putting all the love he had for her into that kiss before he collapsed, and they both fell into sleep.

* * *

Some time later she awoke. Ruth's body felt bruised, satisfied and very much loved. She hadn't had sex in three years, but she was sure it had never felt like that. Suffering with such an urgent and desperate desire to consume the other. Brushing her hair out of her face she saw blood under her fingernails. At the moment Harry lay on his front and she saw red scratch marks going from his waist to his shoulders. God, had she really done that? And hard enough to draw blood? She smiled, wondering what had happened to her. She wasn't usually a creature of passion.

Looking at herself she saw a couple of red marks on her breasts, which would no doubt turn into bruises in a few days. She smiled at the evidence of their union and stretched her body. Harry's eyes opened slowly.

"That was memorable," he said.

"If nothing else it will be because you kept your socks on," she said looking at his foot, poking out of the bed sheets.

"Oh I can't believe I did that," he said, shaking his head. "God, what must you think of me?"

"That you were so desperate to have me that socks didn't enter your mind?" she suggested.

"Mm," he said doubtfully. He rolled over and then hissed. "God my back hurts."

"My fault I believe," she said anxiously. "Sorry, I didn't mean to."

He sighed happily and she kissed his cheek lightly. "It'll be good to be reminded of the fact this wasn't a dream," he said.

"Did you mean it about leaving the service?"

"Yes," he said. "I'm not telling you, or even asking you to, but the secrets are going to destroy me eventually. We both know that." She nodded.

"I could get a job with the Home Secretary," she suggested.

"Has he suggested it?" Harry asked in surprise.

"It had been implied," Ruth said. "It would be safer than working for MI5, and has the added bonus of being home at a respectable hour."

"Towers has been flirting with you hasn't he?"

"Yes," she said, thinking being truthful was probably best. "Nothing will happen, I don't even think he's that attracted to me, but he knows you like me so he wants to get one over on you."

"That sounds like Towers," Harry said with half a smile. "I don't mind," he said. "Work wherever you want." She smiled at him before kissing him again. "Although I can be a jealous man."

"Harry..."

"I know," he said. "Don't worry. I'll keep myself... well behaved."

"I love you," she said.

"I know you do," he agreed. His hands sneaked down to her hips and pulled her flush against him.

"Oh, you're ready for round two are you?" she teased, her fingertips finding his erection. "I thought older men needed more time to recover."

"Cheeky," he said, pushing her onto her back and pressing his body against hers. She laughed and then their eyes caught. So much warmth and love between them. How had it taken them this long. Ruth did the only thing that made sense. She kissed him.

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**Hope you liked this short story (My 100th fanfiction!)**


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